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The Sarcophagus
The Sarcophagus is the fifteenth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 9 and the 188th episode overall. Characters Project Freelancer *York *Carolina *Washington *Maine *Texas *Director *Counselor *F.I.L.S.S. *Four Seven Niner Insurrection *Demo Man *Sharkface *Several soldiers Plot Team A successfully make it inside the vault and begin searching for the Sarcophagus. During their search, Maine picks up a Brute Shot to use, as York alerts the team of an enemy patrol coming in. Wash approaches Carolina and tells her that he's found the markings, which are displayed on a large metallic case. When York informs Team A of an escape route: a helipad on the roof, Carolina loads the Sarcophagus onto a lift and has Maine grab onto a rope to counterbalance it, in order for it to reach the roof. Carolina kicks Maine out of the window and the lift goes flying up, with Maine hurtling down. The lift reaches the roof and the Sarcophagus lands in front of York unharmed. Meanwhile, Maine safely lands onto a ledge and confronts some soldiers. All of a sudden, Insurrectionists break into the vault, but Wash and Carolina quickly eliminate them, leaving one remaining. The last Insurrectionist makes a bold entrance and fires his flamethrower, forcing Wash and Carolina to take cover. As Carolina opens fire, weapons on the table covering her begin to overheat and explode, sending her back. Wash grabs a Fuel Rod Cannon and fires at the soldier; however, the round bounces instead of exploding at the soldier's feet. Carolina then pushes him out of the oncoming fire and runs past the soldier's attacks, jumping onto a purple plane hanging from the ceiling. The soldier fires at her, causing the ropes holding the plane up to burn. Carolina then tosses a grenade inside it, causing it to explode and hit the soldier, knocking him over. A Gravity Hammer lands near Carolina and she throws it at the soldier, defeating him. Wash and Carolina then exit the vault and regroup with York on the roof. After Carolina contacts Four Seven Niner for evac, the Freelancers discover Tex. When Carolina questions her, the Demo Man and other Insurrectionists surround them. The Demo Man then has York disable the "bomb" but York reveals it to be a transmitter. In space, on the Mother of Invention, F.I.L.S.S. tells the Director the target is locked and the Director orders her to fire on the building. Back on the building, Carolina and Tex dispatch several soldiers, while York hands the transmitter to the Demo Man and flees. The Mother of Invention then fires its MAC cannon at the building, blowing a massive hole down the center of it. Tex notices a Pelican coming in and takes a jetpack from a dead soldier. She then kicks the Sarcophagus off the building and jumps off herself. Still on the roof, Carolina, York, and Wash jump off it as the building caves in from behind them. While being fired at, Wash rides the Sarcophagus during the freefall and Tex, using her jetpack, kicks it into the Pelican hatch with him. She then has Four Seven Niner take back the cargo back to Command, leaving York and Carolina in freefall. Fortunately, Maine rescues the two in a Warthog and drives through a tunnel as the building collapses. Inside the Pelican, Four Seven Niner tells command that the package is secure. As Wash tries to make small talk with Tex, she tosses aside her jetpack and jumps out of the Pelican. Transcript Maine, Carolina, and Washington enter the Vault, filled with Covenant weapons and Banshees. Carolina: 'Alright everyone, spread out. What we need is here somewhere. It's probably something small, easy to miss. Take as many scans as possible, there may be other things we can use. ''Maine picks up a Brute Shot and growls. Washington walks up to Maine. 'Washington: '''That's a good look. ''Cut to York on the radio talking to Carolina in a different room. 'York: '''Carolina, Motion Trackers indicate you got an enemy team outside the door. ''Cut back to Carolina in the other room with Washington and Maine. 'Carolina: '''Well, let's hope they're not as good at picking locks as you are, York. ''(To Washington and Maine) Alright team, we're about to have company. 'Washington: '''Boss, I've got good news and bad news. '''Carolina: '''Hit me. '''Washington: '''We found the markings we're looking for. The bad news is...They're on ''that. Cut to a shot of a container with the markings that were described in Planning the Heist, revealing it to be the Sarcophagus. '''Carolina: ''That?'' York: ''(over radio)'' Team A, I got us an exit up here. Straight up the stairwell, door to the roof, helipad. Carolina: ''(over radio)'' 'Copy, I'll radio air support. ''(to Washington and Maine) Now, how are we going to get that thing up to the roof? Maine shrugs his shoulders and growls. '''Carolina: ''(over radio)'' 'York, I saw a window-washer unit on our way into the facility, can you find where it attaches to the building? ''Cut to York on the roof next to where the window-washer unit attaches to the building. '''York: ''(sarcastically)'' I don't know, that's a tough one, 'lemme see what I can do. Cut back to the rest of Team A Washington: 'What are you up to? '''Carolina: '''Improvising. Come 'ere Maine. '''Washington: '''Improvising? I hate it when we do that. ''Cut to the Insurrection Soldiers trying to weld through the door that leads into the Vault. Cut back to Team A, where Carolina pushes the Sarcophagus on a lift connected to the window-washer unit. 'Washington: '''Better hurry! '''Carolina: '''Maine, it should work fine. You're the only one heavy enough to counterbalance this thing. '''Maine: '''Too high. '''Carolina: '''Oh, don't be a baby. ''Carolina kicks Maine out the window and shoots the wire holding up the window-washer platform. Maine free-falls down the building, past two Insurrection Soldiers. 'Soldier #1: '''Hey, did you hear that noise? '''Soldier #2: '''Probably the sound of you being an idiot. '''Soldier #1: '''Oh, you're probably right...dick-biscuit. ''Maine lands near the bottom of the tower and the Sarcophagus launches up to the roof where York is. 'York: '''Package is here. ''Cut back to Maine at the bottom as he pulls out his newly acquired Brute Shot on some Insurrection Soldiers. 'Soldier #3: '''Stop right there or we'll...shoot? We-we're gonna' need bigger hand-cuffs. Is-is that a knife? Rifle? Kn-knifle? Ah! ''Cut back to Carolina and Washington. 'Carolina: '''Well that oughta' buy us some time. '''Washington: '''I almost feel bad for the people down there. '''Carolina: '''Don't. '''Washington: '''What? I said "almost." ''The Insurrection soldiers weld through the door and bust it open. Wash and Carolina open fire and kill all of the soldiers except for one. The large soldier walks in dramatically, holding a flamethrower. 'Washington: '''What the fuck is with this guy? ''"This guy" fires his flamethrower and the two freelancers dive for cover. '''Washington: Whoa, that's hot! Washington & Carolina open fire at the soldier. The soldier, however, has bullet-proof armor and is unaffected by their gunfire and grenades. As he continues is attack, Wash throws a grenade toward him. Unfortunately, the soldier fires at the grenade, causing it to explode. Carolina: 'I've got this. What The-? Ahh! ''The covenant weapons overheat and explode, sending Carolina flying back. A fuel rod cannon lands in the middle of the floor in front of Wash. He dives for it and fires it at the soldier. However, the shot bounces off the floor and misses him. '''Washington: What the hell? It bounces?! Who designs a gun that bounces? This is the worst gun ever... of all- Carolina pushes him out of the way from the oncoming fire and they take cover. Carolina: 'Stay low! ''Carolina runs across the room, hops over a table, runs up the side of the wall, and backflips, landing on a hanging "purple plane". She shoots the flame soldier who, in return, burns the ship's cables. Carolina tosses a grenade into the cockpit and jumps off as the burning ship explodes and knocks the flame soldier over. As he gets up, Carolina hurls a Gravity Hammer at him, knocking him out. '''Washington: That guy was a dick! Carolina: Come on. Let's get moving, Wash! Washington: That bit with the purple plane, that was just showing off. They run away as a banshee falls from the ceiling behind them. They arrive at the roof where York is waiting. York: Come on, come on, hurry! York smashes the control panel to the door, closing it shut. York: There, that oughta hold 'em for a while. Soldiers immediately begin to weld through the door. York: Okay, maybe not. Hey, where's Maine? Wash: 'Downstairs, keeping our hosts occupied. ''radios begin broadcasting grip/bruteshot grenade explosions and screaming '''York: Man, I almost feel bad for them. Wash: That's what I said! Carolina: (over radio) Four- Seven Niner, this is Team Alpha! We need evac on the roof of the tower! Four- Seven Niner: ''(over radio)'' Roger that, I'm on it. York: Come on, it's up... here. Carolina: 'You! ''Tex is seen on the rooftop, setting up an unknown device. Carolina confronts her. '''Carolina: What are you doing here? Is that a bomb? I knew it. It was you who blew up the oil platform! Wash: That thing blew up? Carolina: Somebody's been covering our tracks. You're on the roster too, but they hid your name. Why did they send you? York: Hey, hate to bust up your reunion here, but we've got a problem! Insurrectionists bust open the door. Demo Man: Let's go, go, go, now! Get into position! Completely surround them! Hornets and soldiers with jetpacks surround the area. Demo Man: No one get behind me! Drop your weapons! (turns to York) You... dickhead, disarm the bomb! York: '''Easy, easy. No reason to get all dramatic! Okay, let me take a crack. '''Demo Man: Just fuckin' do it already! York: Easy, easy, man. (picks up the "bomb") Uh... this isn't a bomb. It's a transmitter. Demo Man: Alright, it's not a bomb! Wait, a transmitter? What's it transmitting? York: Our location. Demo Man: Why would it do that? York looks up. Cut to the Mother of Invention in orbit. F.I.L.S.S.: System online, Director. Awaiting your command. Counselor: If I may Director, I think it would be wise if we- Director: Shut up, Counselor. Counselor: Of course, sir. Lasers home in on the transmitter. Demo Man: What the hell? There were four of them here! What the fuck is going on?! Carolina deactivates her camouflage and beats the crap out of some soldiers. Tex uses her invisibility to also take out some soldiers Demo Man: What did I say?! I said one thing! Keep them in front of me! York: Hey man, you mind holding this for me for a sec? York hands the transmitter to the Red Demo Man and runs off. Demo Man: Whaa... York: 'Thank you. ''A beeping is heard and the Red Demo Man looks up. Cut back to the Mother of Invention. '''F.I.L.S.S.: Target locked. Director: Fire! F.I.L.S.S.: Firing main cannon. The "Mother of Invention" fires its MAC cannon. Demo Man: Oh, son of a... The building gets hit by the blast, causing the Freelancers to all fly back from the explosion. The blast also creates a large gaping hole on the roof. Tex spots a Pelican in the sky. She grabs a jetpack from a dead soldier and uses it to kick the Sarcophagus off the building. She then flies off. York, Wash, & Carolina also see the Pelican hovering over them. The 3 begin to run towards the edge of the building as the hole crumbles down behind them. Carolina: This must be karma for kicking Maine out the window! York: I don't wanna DO THIIIIIIISSS!!! Washington: SON OF A BIIIIIIIITCH!!! The three jump off the building, with the Pelican rushing down behind them. The three Freelancers freefall down the building in diving position, avoiding oncoming debris and other falling soldiers. Carolina reaches for the Sarcophagus and rides on it. Pilot Four Seven Niner tries to get the Pelican in position with Carolina. Four Seven Niner: Line it up! Come on! Come on! Stay on target! Four Seven Niner opens the Pelican's back hatch and begins to slow it down. Suddenly, two Hornets appear and begin to fire at them. Carolina hops off the Sarcophagus and Washington takes her place on it. He fires his rifle at a Hornet and manages to take it down in mid-air. Tex appears, flying on her jetpack. '' '''Washington:' WAAAAAHHH!! She successfully pushes Wash & the Sarcophagus safely inside the Pelican. Tex's armor sparks blue. Washington: Ow. Four Seven Niner: Hold on! Four Seven Niner balances the Pelican and flies off. Tex: Get the package back to Command, now! Four Seven Niner: On it! Cut to York & Carolina still in freefall. They are falling closer and closer to the ground. York: Well, there goes our ride. Carolina: You think maybe we should've had a fallback plan? York: Hey, what happened to Maine? Maine suddenly appears, rescuing the two in a Warthog. York: Whoa!! Are we in a car?! The Warthog enters a tunnel. In the background, the 110 story building slowly crumbles down to the ground. The Warthog then exits the tunnel, with Maine quickly swerving through traffic, dodging oncoming cars. York is riding shotgun and Carolina is on the turret. Cut back to the inside of the Pelican. Four Seven Niner is on the radio with Command. Four Seven Niner: Command, this is Four Seven Niner. The Sarcophagus is secure, I repeat, the Sarcophagus is secure. We are inbound. Two Agents Aboard, Team's Status Unknown. Pan back to Wash & Tex in the hangar. Tex's jetpack sparks. Washington: So, jetpacks huh? Tex places the damaged jetpack on top of the Sarcophagus and jumps out of the Pelican. Washington: That was interesting. The Pelican closes its back hatch and flies away. Gallery Maine discovers his Bruteshot.png|Maine obtains his iconic Brute Shot. Maine's gets his Brute shot.png|"That's a good look." York on roof.png|York informs his team Maine and Carolina.png|Maine secures the rope Don't be such a baby.png|Carolina kicks Maine off. The package is here.png|"The package is secure." Wash and Carolina fire.png|Wash & Carolina aim. Wash & Carolina 2.0.png|Wash and Carolina stay alert. Flamethrower dude.png|Insurrection soldier with flamethrower WTF is up with this guy.png|"What the fuck is with this guy?" Flamethrower shark guy.png|Soldier fires Wash spots fuel rod gun.png|Wash spots Fuel Rod Cannon This is the worst gun ever, of all time.png|Who designs a gun that bounces?! Carolina showing off.png|Carolina jumps off ship Carolina, York, & Washington.png|The three discover someone Counselor standing beside the Director.png|"Shut up, Counselor." Carolina camoflauged.png|Carolina uses her camouflage Insurrection soldier about to die.png|Oh, son of a- Building shot.png|Building is hit Tex uses jetpack.png|Tex uses a jetpack. Wash, York & Carolina escape.png|York, Wash, & Carolina escape Carolina rides Sarchophagus.png|Carolina rides the Sarcophagus Carolina stays on target.png|"Stay on target!" Building collapses.png|Building collapses Badass Chupathingy.png|Maine to the rescue Wash & Tex 2.0.png|"Jetpacks huh?" Tex ditches Wash.png|Tex ditches Wash Trivia *The "...of all time" gag returns in this episode. However this time, rather than talking about throws, Wash is speaking of a weapon; in this case, the Fuel Rod Gun. *It is revealed in the episode "Happy Birthday " that the contents of the Sarcophagus is, in fact, a Huragok, a Covenant engineer and Forerunner supercomputer. *Maine obtains his iconic Brute Shot in this episode. *Washington calls the Banshee a "Purple Plane." *This is the second episode of Season 9 that includes a cameo appearance from Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla of Smosh. *The Demo Man on the roof makes a reference to his previous appearance by ordering his soldiers to "Completely surround them", which he proclaimed to North and South when they were surrounded at the research facility. *Wash taking down a Hornet with a Battle Rifle is a reference to Reconstruction: Chapter 14 where he did a similar feat, though with the assistance of an Assault Rifle and a Fusion Coil. *The scene where F.I.L.S.S says "Target locked" and "Firing Main Cannon" is an exact reference to Sheila's saying of the two phrases in The Blood Gulch Chronicles before firing at an enemy. *The "Son of a bitch" gag returns just before the MAC strikes the Demo Man. *York asking "Are we in a car?" may be a reference to Upon Further Review. *One of the soldiers that Maine fights after falling down the building is "e" from Microsoft. *The conversation between Carolina and Wash might be a reference to Halo 3: ODST. In the level Kinzingo Boulevard, after clearing out a group of enemies Mickey says "I almost felt bad for 'em. Almost." (Note: one must have the IWHBYD Skull activated for this to work.) *Wash, Carolina, and York jumping off the roof of the building may have likely been inspired by a scene from Dead Fantasy, one of Monty Oum's personal works. *Monty Oum's inspiration for finishing off Sharkface came from Burnie Burns' son, J.D., when he said "Why don't you drop a plane on him?" *If one pauses at "6:10", a rough cut model of Washington can be seen behind York. * The Fuel Rod Cannon exploding in front of Carolina is a reference to the halo fuel rod cannon "Dead Mans Switch" in which a fuel rod cannon will explode for no reason or when fired, it will explode, killing the user. Video Category:Episodes Category:Season 9